"We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are" - Anais Nin

Good morning! This would have been the perfect quote to go with yesterday's Challenge Weekly message about "Movies of the Mind." As I have had the privilege of working with more and more people, I have seen this principle in action again and again. People come to me wondering why they are having a disagreement or feeling over-criticized or wondering why some portion of their life is so difficult.

When they look at their life factually--they think, "What do I have to complain about compared to so many others who are dealing with so much?" This type of self-comparison is not only useless, it is self-destructive. Everything is relative. What is an obstacle to one person might be an inspiration to another. Why? Because none of us "see reality," we only see the movie in our mind. Our collective thoughts and experiences go with us everywhere and create the lens through which we see every event and hear every comment.

We can't turn off this filter that we bring to life. To turn if off would make us robotic. Instead, we must remember that as we face any event, we are facing it in the present, but we are often seeing it through our past. When we come to a difficult juncture or communication, it is important to anchor ourselves and be aware of what past experiences are influencing our thoughts and opinion.

Let me give you an example. Let's pretend for a moment that you work for me. I come to you and say, "I am worried about this area of our business. I need you to focus on improving X, Y and Z." What I have said is a very factual statement and a simple request. How you hear what I have said, depends on the filter you are looking through. If you are self-doubting of your performance you might hear this, "I don't think you are doing a good enough job, and I really need you to ramp up your efforts." If you have had a boss that was unsupportive in the past, you might hear this, "Your work just isn't satisfactory. I don't think you can do it." Of course neither of these statements are anywhere near what I said, but they can still be what you hear. When you hear a statement like that, you are likely to respond defensively. That would throw me off guard, because what I actually said wasn't anything to be defensive about. You can see how this could quickly escalate into a disagreement or misunderstanding.

Understanding that we bring this filter and lens to our interactions is the first step in pausing it so that we can truly hear what is being said to us.

Your Turn:
Today, make a concerted effort to hear what is being said to you. Hear the words without adding your own commentary. Watch how much more clearly and effective your communications become with this tactic.

Your Affirmation:
I stay present in the moment.

 

Challenge Life!

Brook Noel

visit www.brooknoelstudio.com