“We don’t see
things as they are. We
see things as we are.” ~
Anais Nin
Good
Morning!
As I have had the
privilege of working with more and more
women, I have seen the truth of Anais’ quote.
Many women come to me wondering why they are having a disagreement, or
feeling overcriticized, or wondering why some portion of their life
just doesn’t
seem to be working.
When they look as
their lives objectively, they think, “What
do I have to complain about compared to so many others who are dealing
with so
much?” This type of self-comparison is not
only useless, it is self-destructive.
Everything is relative. One
person’s obstacle may be another person’s inspiration. Why?
Our collective thoughts and experiences go with us everywhere, and
create the lens through which we see every event and hear every comment.
We all have a different reality, because we
have all lived a unique life.
We can’t turn off
this filter that we bring to life, or we
would become robots. Instead, we must
remember that as we face any event, we are facing it in the present,
but we are
often seeing it through our past. When
we come to a difficult juncture or communication, it is important to
anchor
ourselves and to be aware of what past experiences are influencing our
thoughts
and opinion.
Let me give you
an example.
Let’s pretend for a moment that you work for me. I come to
you and say, “I am worried about
this area of our business. I need you to
focus on improving X, Y, and Z.” What I
have said is a very factual statement and a simple request.
How you hear what I have said depends on your
past experiences. If you are
self-doubting, you might hear this: “I don’t think you are doing a good
enough
job, and I really need you to ramp up your efforts.” If you
have had a boss who was unsupportive
in the past, you might hear this: “Your work just isn’t satisfactory.
I don’t think you can do it.” Of course, neither of these
statements are
anywhere near what I said, but they could still be what you hear.
When you hear a statement like that, you are
likely to respond defensively. That
would throw me off guard, because what I actually said wasn’t anything
to be
defensive about. You can see how this
could escalate into a disagreement or misunderstanding.
Understanding
that we bring this filter and lens to our
interactions is the first step in pausing it so that we can truly hear
what is
being said to us.
Your Turn: Today, make
a concerted effort to hear what is being said to you.
Hear the words without adding your own
commentary. Watch
how much more clear
and effective your communications become with this tactic.
Today’s Affirmation:
I
stay present in the moment.