“We don’t see things as they are.  We see things as we are.”  ~ Anais Nin

Good Morning!

As I have had the privilege of working with more and more women, I have seen the truth of Anais’ quote.  Many women come to me wondering why they are having a disagreement, or feeling overcriticized, or wondering why some portion of their life just doesn’t seem to be working.

When they look as their lives objectively, they think, “What do I have to complain about compared to so many others who are dealing with so much?”  This type of self-comparison is not only useless, it is self-destructive.  Everything is relative.  One person’s obstacle may be another person’s inspiration.  Why?  Our collective thoughts and experiences go with us everywhere, and create the lens through which we see every event and hear every comment.  We all have a different reality, because we have all lived a unique life.

We can’t turn off this filter that we bring to life, or we would become robots.  Instead, we must remember that as we face any event, we are facing it in the present, but we are often seeing it through our past.  When we come to a difficult juncture or communication, it is important to anchor ourselves and to be aware of what past experiences are influencing our thoughts and opinion.

Let me give you an example.  Let’s pretend for a moment that you work for me.  I come to you and say, “I am worried about this area of our business.  I need you to focus on improving X, Y, and Z.”  What I have said is a very factual statement and a simple request.  How you hear what I have said depends on your past experiences.  If you are self-doubting, you might hear this: “I don’t think you are doing a good enough job, and I really need you to ramp up your efforts.”  If you have had a boss who was unsupportive in the past, you might hear this: “Your work just isn’t satisfactory.  I don’t think you can do it.”  Of course, neither of these statements are anywhere near what I said, but they could still be what you hear.  When you hear a statement like that, you are likely to respond defensively.  That would throw me off guard, because what I actually said wasn’t anything to be defensive about.  You can see how this could escalate into a disagreement or misunderstanding.

Understanding that we bring this filter and lens to our interactions is the first step in pausing it so that we can truly hear what is being said to us.

Your Turn:  Today, make a concerted effort to hear what is being said to you.  Hear the words without adding your own commentary.  Watch how much more clear and effective your communications become with this tactic.

Today’s Affirmation:  I stay present in the moment.